First Step of the Journey

Posted on Monday, October 19, 2009 by DeeLovely79

Hello Out There.........

Is anybody here?  I think I'm chatting with myself but whatever!! This is my first post of my first blog.  I've been watching so many great videos on Youtube and  reading so many wonderful posts on Blogger that I've decided to share my experiences. 

My main motivation for starting this blog is to discuss my experiences "going natural".  I decided to stop chemically straightening my naturally nappy hair a few months ago.  I was motivated by my desire to stop putting dangerous chemicals in my body in order to improve my health/prevent disease.  I began a primarily organic/chemical free lifestyle this summer (this will be the topic of a future post) and I've seen tremendous benefits.  Then I realized, I'm spending all this money on fresh, preservative and hormone free food and yet I'm still putting this toxic chemical on my scalp every four weeks!!

This didn't make any sense and so I did what any self respecting black woman working in a primarily white corporate environment would do....I continued to relax my hair and feel conflicted.   (You thought I was going to say I shaved my head?  Well wait it gets better, I promise!)  I mean, I didn't want to relax my hair but what was I going to do with it?  I thought about braids, but I hate the fact that they tend to take your edges out.  Then I came to the conclusion that I was going to start wearing weaves.   Now for someone who is always used to wearing her own hair in many different hair cuts, this was a big step for me, I always had this thing about wearing my own hair and being proud of the fact that "I got hair" and "My grows fast" etc.  I didn't need to put anyone else's hair in my head because my hair is so thick.   Shoot, my hair was so long when I was young, the kids used to call me "white girl" and I didn't care cause "I got hair"!!!

So my plan was to start with some braids and alternate between braids and weaves.  Two weeks later, my roots are starting to grow and I can't front I didn't have money to get my braids done (I wanted some box braids and I don't have $200 just laying around chilling saying "spend me, spend me") so I brought a wig.  I continued to wear that wig for 2 weeks and then the wig got tight with all my new grow so I hacked off a bunch of relaxed hair so it would fit better. ,I didn't need that relaxed hair, I am growing my hair out natural besides I can grow more (as I type this I'm shrugging shoulders like a wise guy saying "Fuggetabout it"  because I can grow more hair.... and now I'm doing the "Fuggetabout it" since I just typed grow more hair, I just can help it, it's like knee jerk reaction).  Then a few more weeks went by and the combination of textures was driving me crazy!!! I couldn't keep my hands out of my wonderfully thick nappy hair and having to wear the wig every day was becoming more than I could deal with.

So I ended up chopping off my relaxed hair (See I told you to be patient).  What a relief!! Unfortunately, I didn't take any pictures of that day because I went back to wearing the wig.  But at that point something happened.  I did a search online about natural hair and then a bunch of videos on YouTube of strong black women (I'll put up links to my favorites in a future post) talking about their triumphs and frustrations in trying to transition to, grow out or care for their natural hair.  I was hooked, I'm still hooked.

See for me this wasn't an emotional thing.  I wore my hair natural until I was fourteen, I didn't dislike my natural hair, it's just that my mother never took the time to do it and I got tired of the same style (One long French braid, year after year I wore my hair in one long French braid).  Now in high school I was a little obsessed with getting my hair bone straight like the other girls but once I started doing my own relaxers at 16, I realized that I had a lot of thick resistant hair and my hair was never going to be as flat as the other bald headed, I mean thinner haired girls at school.  By the time I was in college I just accepted that I had a lot of thick hair and by then I was doing a relaxer every 4 weeks because I couldn't afford to wait until 6 weeks because my hair grew so quick and got so tangled.

But for these women on You Tube there was a lot tied into this and I began to see that I did have some emotions about this change, but not regarding straight hair and styling but around beauty and femininity. I began looking at myself in the mirror after cutting off my relaxed hair and looking at myself with  my tiny weenie afro (TWA) I first thought I looked ugly, that I looked like a boy.  Every day I'd come home from work and take off my wig and stare at myself in the mirror.  "Well I'm not ugly, I've seen worse" I'd say to myself.  "I do like the way my eyes look, maybe a little make up will make me look better".  After several days I became more comfortable with what I saw in the mirror.  But I was still unsure about going out with my TWA, I'm very tall so there are times that have been mistaken for a man from the back solely because of my height.  Now I want walk around with a cesaer?  Don't know, I mean some women can rock a baldie or TWA and look amazing, I wasn't sure if I could?  

At this point I started hitting on some videos about being confident with my TWA and I don't know, it's like they helped me break the chains.  I guess I needed something to remind me that I was doing this for me and not for approval or feedback from others.  And then I was ready.  I brought some clippers and some styling products that I found on some websites (I'll be posting on my experiences with those as well) and I gave myself I nice shape up on this past Saturday.  And today I went to work with my TWA.  And just to let the suspense build I'll post my work experiences and pictures of my first week post big chop (BC) with my TWA on Friday.  Meanwhile, I'll work on putting up some relaxed hair pictures.  

Welcome to my journey (the first of many, I love nothing better than to learn new things, if you're not growing and changing then you're dead). Please post your thoughts in the comments section. I want to know what you think of my first post!

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